you could think of me as such

"But don't get me wrong. I'm not totally mad at you. I'm just sad. You were so nice to me when I was having my problems, but now that you're having yours, it seems there's not a thing I can do for you. You're all locked up in that little world of yours, and when I try knocking on the door, you just sort of look up for a second and go right back inside."

[norwegian wood - haruki murakami]

how far could i go

[music for the soul: woke up in a strange place - jeff buckley]

wanderlust

repost from: notebookdoodles

musik makes the people

First concert? Dang, it was Linkin Park in 2003. It was awesome because I passed out in the mosh pit and got flung over the barricades, landing on the greens. No guards came to my rescue and the first thing I saw when I regained consciousness was Chester's feet. I don't know why I didn't climb over the stage.

Last concert?Arthur's Day with Black Eyed Peas. I wasn't feeling it because of 1. sucky stage set-up 2. technical glitches 3. Fergie all clothed up 4. lack of ventilation 5. it was a fucking bad day for me

Favorite concerts? V Fest Gold Coast

What bands played it? AIR, Smashing Pumpkins, Roisin Murphy, Jesus and Mary Chain, Queens of Stone Age, CSS,

Dream concert (of 5 bands)? Urgh toughie. But I'm feeling Kings of Leon, The XX, Radiohead, Kasabian and Wolfmother at this very moment. If you ask me in my mellower mood, it would be Mew, Feist, Elbow, Doves and Hooverphonic.

Favorite band live: Mu-fucking-se. Er, Muse. Heh.

Band you really want to see live: Oasis 'cause I was broke then and had to miss their Singapore gig. But singer-songwriter has to be, of course, Jeff Buckley.

Band you’ve seen before but NEVER want to see live again: Black Eyed Peas, haha.

Band you’ve never seen and you never want to see them: Name all the poppy bands on radio now. Oh, Boys like Girls crap.

Show you got the worst post-concert depression from: Nadda.

How many times did you see that show/tour? Not applicable.

Most you’ve ever paid for a concert ticket: S$251 for Coldplay. Do not convert and let me know how much in RM.

Next concert? Possibly AAR, and hopefully Patrick Watson.

repost from: petitebisou

monday blues

I wanted to post up the pictures you took of me when we went on those random, spontaneous trips but realised they were in your cameraphone: stopping by the Monument and seeing for the first time what it is exactly like; then hopping to Central Market to fulfill our hunger pang with beef noodles and deciding one portion isn't enough before making our way to Jalan Alor for a second helping; and washing down our sweet cravings with mango sago and chilli balls at Low Yat Plaza.

We had it good and I don't want any of it to go away.

XX marks the spot

They're my latest obsession and I'll tell you why.

It didn't occur to me that I would have heard of the band The XX before, until I googled their video 'Crystalised' and realised I've heard a remix of it! So, yes, to your, question, sir, of why I've not heard of them before and my latter response was 'too many indie bands out there!' - I take it back.

The XX, a four-piece member band from London who debuted their album 'XX' not too recently in August, make cool pop-electronica-shoegazing tunes worthy of rounds of play. Out of the 11 tracks, what caught my attention are 'Intro' (which has hints of White Lies), 'VCR', 'Islands' and 'Shelter', which quickly became my favourites. And what makes this mature band stand out is the fact that the members are all in their twenties only! What was I doing in my twenties again?!

Upon closer inspection, the lyrics hint loudly at sex and interpersonal relationships (like in 'Shelter' where girl/boy duo Romy and Oliver cooed over lyrics like "Can I make it better/ With the lights turned on" and in 'Crystalised' where the characters lament over their relationship woes "So don't think that I'm pushing you away, When you're the one that I've kept closest.")

While bassist Oliver doesn't have the strongest voice to pull off the songs (you'll need someone like Gary Lightbody's falsetto), Romy's hush-hush purring kitten voice saves the album and makes everything OKAY.

happy times

pic by sherbear

I don't really take myself too seriously; y'all should know by now, right? Let's hope the good times don't stop rolling.

xoxo

facade

I told my ex-manager: "Never give power to a mad man who wants to rule the world."

As many of you would have known, it's been a rough week; no doubt about it. But someone once told me in any short period of time, a person could not have left you with a profound effect. And she's right.

I can see clearly now amidst the facades. And my only hope is that you can see it too.

You see; I've shared nothing but trust, respect and friendship. And I've been fed with layers and layers of distorted truth.

And I'm no longer angry.

Instead, sadness looms over. But it's not for me.

untitled

Extricate.

Move.

I know I can.

fate

I was telling Eric the other day, that with every step you take, you'd never know what happens next. One cannot prepare themselves with future situations that will befall on you and one cannot pre-engineer the steps you want to take which will change the magnitude of the situation that is going to happen to you.

So, it happened; what next? I cannot change the course of fate. I cannot go back and rewind my steps; one by one. I asked myself, if I had been late for a few more minutes or if I had just spend a little more time in the dressing room or not have gone into the changing room, would I had prevented it?

If I had stayed where I've always been these few years, would I have avoided this mess?

The cosmic might have ways to tell you but...

I took a step and I... I'm gonna keep it together.

I've been doing quite a good job at it too.

[music for the soul: appalachian springs - the verve]

khor toat

thai temple, jalan gasing

she said: "as long as your heart is good, then you need not to worry."

that's what the atheist believed too, as she walked pass the devotees who were stroking the marble elephant for luck.

malam tumpang glamour

pictures by rubbergetah susumilk

We never really had the chance to explain why we threw a party on short notice but spontaneity is key because you don't anticipate the seriousness of planning a real party. We didn't plan. It was all talk but action came into play when we had friends who could pull strings for us. I thank them. And thanks to Tiger Beer for sponsoring and to Hi-Volt for the sound systems, as well as Inked Studio for the awesome location.

Elfie, Mike, TJ and I were bored of our wits at some event and I randomly said, 'I want to learn how to DJ' which led to TJ's same response. As usual, Elfie was her cussing self and she blurted 'y'all tumpang glamour shit etc etc et al' which gave me a huge idea. I could be DJ Glamour and TJ could be DJ Tumpang. Elfie and Mike followed suit with their names DJ Nr. 13 and DJ Mata Mata. So we set the date of the event three weeks from our date of discussion.

The party was based on the notion that it could be done all under RM50 and it was a parody of the expensive clubbing nights in KL. That's why we had requirements like RM1 donation to Furry Farm Animals, newspapers for recycling, and er, moustache was the theme of the night.

What a night.

We invited friends of media and creative industry. Oh, Suanie, ShaolinTiger, KimberlyCun, kyspeaks were there too! Ten cartons of Tiger were gone in a blink of an eye. Music was pumping. We decided DJ Cinta, a friend of Inked Studio's, take charge of music that night after I played my songlist. Didn't regret that at all, didn't we?

It rained about 2something am when I walked down the stairs to pick up a phone call when I witnessed a fight. Everyone went downstairs to watch. Blood on the floor. Tempers flared. Cops were called. Partygoers started fleeing the scene. I took refuge at the mamak. It was a fucking crazy night. When they arrested the drunken guy (not from our party), it was way past 3something am. We went back right up, cleared the place, packed sound system into my car and made our way home. It was 5am when I changed into clean wear.

But what a night. Guess we could plan for MTG 2?

[music for the soul: revelry - kings of leon]

slumber

I crawled into bed close to three, hoping I'd sleep through and not wake up but I was awoken at 9ish and I couldn't fall back. It's one of those days where you don't want to wake up. Not remember. Not try to want to put the puzzles together. But the mind never sleeps you see. How cruel.

most importantly

conscience.

would you be able to live with yourself after what you did?

it's funny because you remind me of another person i've told you about before.

cruel lines

In 2007, I blogged about Hotel Chevalier. When I watched it again, together with Darjeeling Limited last night, I realised how profound the movie has its effect on me. The beauty of trust, lust, respect, friendship, and of course, India was enough to hold my attention.

This was what I said in 15 Dec 07.

"As the prologue to Darjeeling Limited, Hotel Chevalier attempts to shed a little more light on the two main characters played by Jason Schwartzman and Natalie Portman. Yes, it's that film where she went totally buff (Closer, don't count)."

And the lines that only matter in the 13-minute short film, Hotel Chevalier:

Ex-gf: Whatever happens I don't wanna lose you as my friend.
Jack: I promise I will never be your friend, no matter what. Ever.

click to play 13-minute video

There's another line that hit me when I was watching Watchmen. It goes something like this:

Dan: If he's pretending, it means he cares.

I'm sure there are plenty more out there but these lines have been playing in my head like a broken tape. I wonder if I am deluding myself.

filler

done plenty of listening, accepting and respecting but not enough to garner the same back.

"do you really want to know," she asks.

"i do."

[music for the soul: until we bleed - kleerup]