Qynonotiya

Upclose and personal. Photo taken by Lyds. Black and white motion is all that is.

bright lights

when soul meets body

source: midnightsa

something i experienced in the wee hours, when no one's watching, when the thunder cracks, when you drop your guard.

Hey, meow

The cat loves sleeping on my clothes.

Mismatched

I see the mismatched colours on the bed - blue, white, green - and wonder if that applies to our lives as well. That our thoughts are equally disjointed, reasons unknown, so unreal, just placements. Even the curtains don't match but that's okay, I like them like that. Nothing is perfect, and I find comfort in that. That we're all here to make mistakes. And I'm unanswerable to none of you; your opinions of me are void.

"The more you change, the less you feel."

music for the soul: galapagos - the smashing pumpkins]

Silence

I want to know if you come with me toward not walking and not speaking, I want to know if we finally will reach no communication: finally going with someone to see pure air, rays of light over the daily sea or a landbound object and finally having nothing to trade, without the goods to furnish as the colonizers had, exchanging coupons for silence. Here I purchase your silence. I agree: I give you mine with one provision: that we do not understand each other.

Pablo Neruda

toast

Let us toast to animal pleasures, to escapism, to rain on the roof and instant coffee, to unemployment insurance and library cards, to absinthe and good-hearted landlords, to music and warm bodies and contraceptives… and to the ‘good life’, whatever it is and wherever it happens to be.
Hunter S. Thompson

100 days of change

It's been 100 days since your passing and so much have changed. I've been met with betrayal, friendship and death. The weight of the world is too heavy for a girl like me to carry on her shoulders; but I'm no longer the same girl ten years ago.

My uncle said you paid a visit to my little cousin. He bid you 'goodbye gong gong'. My aunt also saw your shadow in the room you used to occupy. I was hoping to meet you but I've not sense your presence. That also includes my sister.

But I know the cosmos has ways of telling me; during that span of time, I've met a couple of elderly people and somehow I could sense your presence in them.

Tomorrow I'll be visiting you. So much to tell.

I don't know, well I don't mind

missy atop a brick wall

Happy Anniversary

Happy Anniversary darl.

I wanted to make you a card but I can't find any colouring stencils in your room and I decided this is what I do best.

You're taking up space again; even the cat is annoyed but I love that about you.

You have this innate ability to annoy the helluva me but you always give in to me with that sly grin of yours.

You can't stand my indie songs and neither can I with your 80s tunes but we always have a good laugh about it.

I always get away with things (nag, whine, chores) but that's because you're too kind with me.

I know I haven't been on my best behaviours and I've said some hurtful things in the past, but I hope we could give it a try again.

Oh and your fried rice is way better than mine. Anytime.

[music for the soul: on and on and on - wilco]

the cosmos

repost from technicoloring

nothing

Nothing. Still air. Bright lights. Cars whizzing by. The blanket of darkness envelops the sky but the stars, the stars, they continue to shine before they dim, and all is forgotten until the circle repeats itself.

You must know of this incident; remember when we were seated in this hall and everything was pitch black like ink? His voice resonated through the hallway and nothing else matters anymore for he was singing my song. I turned to look at you and you did the same thing; we both knew what that had meant. What crosses the mind, as loosely translated, were merely simple words with heavy depth.

But it is difficult to explain the weight of those words with the heavy knots in our breaking voice.

Whispers in the dark can be the cruelest form of communication - what if you get one word wrong? It's like a slap to your face which leaves you with a sharp pain albeit momentarily. But nothing lasts forever anyway (the song, the words, life). But at the same time you'd ask yourself, if it's all just in your head?

When you pick up pieces and take it along with you, they become some part of you. The chemicals in your bodies align with them and it changes the core of you. The healing, touching, feeling, speaking, thinking, listening, hearing - the next course of action calls for a response.

Trust me.

Trust shall be marked on my arm.

This is not the path I chose to be intertwined. Nothing left for me here. There. Because nothing lasts forever anyway (the song, the words, life).


This love of life makes me weak at my knees
And when we get there make your play
'Cos soon I feel you're gonna carry us away
In a promised lie you made us believe
For many men there is so much grief

music for the soul: [strangers - the kinks]

you could think of me as such

"But don't get me wrong. I'm not totally mad at you. I'm just sad. You were so nice to me when I was having my problems, but now that you're having yours, it seems there's not a thing I can do for you. You're all locked up in that little world of yours, and when I try knocking on the door, you just sort of look up for a second and go right back inside."

[norwegian wood - haruki murakami]

how far could i go

[music for the soul: woke up in a strange place - jeff buckley]

wanderlust

repost from: notebookdoodles

monday blues

I wanted to post up the pictures you took of me when we went on those random, spontaneous trips but realised they were in your cameraphone: stopping by the Monument and seeing for the first time what it is exactly like; then hopping to Central Market to fulfill our hunger pang with beef noodles and deciding one portion isn't enough before making our way to Jalan Alor for a second helping; and washing down our sweet cravings with mango sago and chilli balls at Low Yat Plaza.

We had it good and I don't want any of it to go away.

happy times

pic by sherbear

I don't really take myself too seriously; y'all should know by now, right? Let's hope the good times don't stop rolling.

xoxo

cruel lines

In 2007, I blogged about Hotel Chevalier. When I watched it again, together with Darjeeling Limited last night, I realised how profound the movie has its effect on me. The beauty of trust, lust, respect, friendship, and of course, India was enough to hold my attention.

This was what I said in 15 Dec 07.

"As the prologue to Darjeeling Limited, Hotel Chevalier attempts to shed a little more light on the two main characters played by Jason Schwartzman and Natalie Portman. Yes, it's that film where she went totally buff (Closer, don't count)."

And the lines that only matter in the 13-minute short film, Hotel Chevalier:

Ex-gf: Whatever happens I don't wanna lose you as my friend.
Jack: I promise I will never be your friend, no matter what. Ever.

click to play 13-minute video

There's another line that hit me when I was watching Watchmen. It goes something like this:

Dan: If he's pretending, it means he cares.

I'm sure there are plenty more out there but these lines have been playing in my head like a broken tape. I wonder if I am deluding myself.

filler

done plenty of listening, accepting and respecting but not enough to garner the same back.

"do you really want to know," she asks.

"i do."

[music for the soul: until we bleed - kleerup]

scribbles on the wall

I took a couple of hours just looking through my past writes, compiling bits of what I said before and printed them on sheets of old paper. I like the nostalgic feeling to it. I know it may seem, to some, that it is privy to share but that's okay. I'm an open book like that. So read it, and share your thoughts too. I can't wait to take a picture of it soon.